ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
