he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
