She announced her abortion via fbk
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
