Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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