Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
