Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
