I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
