I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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