If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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