I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
