guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
