I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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