my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
