Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
