I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
