i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
