We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
