so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
