Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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