i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
