Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
