Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
