How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
