he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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