there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
