Non-Jews are for practice
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
