I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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