GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
only you would photoshop your dick
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
