I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
