god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
