Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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