I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
