Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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