maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
