so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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