Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
