she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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