Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
