What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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