Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
