You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
