Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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