Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
