Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
