Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
