He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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