is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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