I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
