So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
