awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
