Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
