I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
